I Am My Beloved's...
... and my Beloved is mine.
This morning I woke with thoughts of the multiple Proverbs about the lover of sleep finding poverty, running through my head. My husband had already risen about 10 minutes before my phone started vibrating with all the notifications that I had - intentionally - missed while it was on DND last night. He was bundling up for the day as he logged into his work computer to begin the work day (really, whomever came up with working on weekends should be called to justice). I knew that if I didn’t get up and brave the cold in our Bosnian living space, he would have to grab a cold chicken paste from the fridge and bread for his breakfast.
“Good morning, my God, my Lord. Thank You for giving us another day, thank You for giving us more time,” I prayed as I stretched and quickly looked for some day clothes. Fleece-lined sweatpants and my fleece-lined Star Wars sweatshirt are a comfy match for the today. I put my Bose noise-canceling headphones on (GAME CHANGERS for my autistic self!) and began playing the audio NIV on the YouVersion Bible app for another day of the 90-day plan (reading the Bible, beginning to end, in 90 days… it will finish the day before my birthday next month).
Something warm and hearty, but quick, is what my husband needed this morning, so 2 egg sandwiches and a mug of apple and cinnamon tea with honey it was! I looked forward to my own Nutcracker mug of Twinings Earl Grey, which I promptly sipped on back in bed, after presenting my husband with his breakfast and, as always, a follow-up kiss on the lips and then his cheek and an “I love you”, the second of many that are exchanged between us each day.
I pulled out a red-ink and a black-ink pen each, adjusted my pillows so that I could lay on my tummy on them, with my feet toward the fire in the wood stove, assembled my leather-bound journal, bees and lemons insight journal, and opened my prayer journal. Sipping on my tea, I couldn’t help but smile as “Song of Solomon” was announced by the British narrator through my headphones.
I love that book of the Bible. It is probably my favourite, though really how can you pick a favourite when the entire Bible is one massive love letter?!
As I listened and read along on the YouVersion app on my phone, I thought of my husband and the blessing of his love for me… the example of Christ’s love he shows me - though he has yet to come to Jesus… how Jesus quite literally saved my human life as well as the life of my soul.
The narration ended for that day of the plan, which happened to line up with the closing of the Song of Solomon book. I moved on to the Spoken Gospel plan on “Jesus in All of Song of Songs”. Day 1 of the plan opened (I did all 7 days in one sitting this morning, since I will be moving on to catch up on the days of my 90-day plan) and I played the introduction video… and cried. I’ll just share it here so you can see for yourself.
Some time recently, I bought myself a ring that has a double meaning for me. It is a handmade ring from Jerusalem. Lilies encompass the outside of the silver band, while on the inside, in Hebrew, is the verse…
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;
he browses among the lilies.
Song of Songs (aka Song of Solomon) 6:3
It serves as a (beautiful) reminder of Who my Beloved is: Jesus. But it also serves as a statement of my earthly beloved: my husband Sulejman. My husband often reminds me that he chose me; he didn’t just settle for me. He tells me that if all the women in the world were shown to him, he would still pick me. And that is just one way Jesus lets me see HIS love for me, for us, for His church, His bride.
There are a great many lilies of the field, yet of all the lilies, He chose one.
That’s His sacrifice on the cross: His choosing one lily, which is each and every one of us as if we were the ONLY lily, to love so much that He gave His life for that one. I’m reminded, in that thought, that fact, of when He called me to follow Him the day after my birthday in 2020. I was ready and attempting to end my life, but He said it was only the beginning of my life. He stopped my attempt from working, He woke me by way of Sulejman.
And He was right, it was only the beginning! My life of sin, of delighting in sin, had ended because of His calling for me to His bride. I no longer desired my sin, though I still struggle to conquer my sin because as Paul says…
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:18-25
In the spiritual and in the human, He let me experience the reality of Song of Songs. He called His bride in the spirit, and at the same time He sent Sulejman (who’s name is, in English, Solomon and means “peace”) to call me to be his bride. He wooed me in the spirit, showing me His love in His Word, in His protection and actions in my life, despite my sin, and brought me to publically testifying my repentance and belief in Him. At the same time, He guided my human bridegroom to woo me, show me his love over our long-distance relationship, as I lived in New Mexico in the USA, and he lived in Bosnia and Hercegovina, in Eastern Europe.
The call to wait patiently, longingly for my bridegroom was present daily, and I got to see the reality of the bride longing for her bridegroom of Song of Songs and what that waiting truly is, in this human life and in the life of the spirit. Now, years later, as Sulejman’s wife, I still experience the longing and waiting that the the newly-wed bride of Song of Songs did, every time her bridegroom left her (for work, for duty, for obligation, for the necessities of life). And parallel, I experience the same longing for my heavenly Bridegroom to come back to take me to the wedding feast and the celestial bridal chamber.
His second coming may not be for His entire church in my lifetime, or it may; it is not for me to know. But this I DO know… He called me to be His bride the day He saved my life and called me to repent and follow Him… and He will come back to collect His bride on the day of my bodily death, the doorway to the wedding feast, to the bridal chamber, to life eternal with my Beloved.